I feel like getting back into the spirit of posting in here. It sure has been a LONG time! Well lets see, where to start... hmmm, well I am sick. YAY! I stayed home today because I fell back asleep after my alarm and woke up around 11:45 feeling sick as a dog. I have been in a bad mood since yesterday and waking up to a note on the table reading "Call me when you wake up, love mom" wasnt a very uplifting moment. So I call her and found out that she wants me to basically pick up, wipe down, and vaccumm the entire house...sick. So after I do that I got a call from Chris talking about how he is going to fight soem kid who RAPED one of his friends, of course that didnt happen and I got dressed and hyped up for nothing, AGAIN.

Lately I have been pretty happy with my life though. Makin some new friends has been fun. OH and last Saturday I got a tattoo! its pretty sick, ill post a pic on my myspace later. Both of my ears are up to 5/8" now and im just waiting for my left one to stop being sore because i had to stretch it 3 fucking sizes to get it over the flare in my plug haha, that was fun. Last night was not very fun after Bret left, bunch dumb stuff happened and I found out that most things that run around in my head are just better left buried.

i get to stay home tomorrow, w00t. i cant fucking wait to be sick ALL day -_-

New crush
is going completely terrible
I wish i actually had a chance
oh well
more will come
=[

So this whole making friend things I am about done with. I am tired of being friendly to people when more than half of them don't even like me. And those of them who do like me, like me too much. I don't want a girlfriend, I don't like anyone, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. If you like me, that's nice, nothing is going to go farther than us being friends. . . guaranteed. I don't know, for some weird reason I have been trying to make a lot of new friends and I have just been thinking about it for a few hours and it really makes me feel pathetic. I feel like my mind is telling me I need more friends when in reality I don't. I love all of my friends, and I am going to start showing the people I don't like that I don't like them. . . I think soon I am going to make a lot of new enemy's for something as stupid as not lying to people anymore. Oh well, people want the truth and get upset when they receive it, that is fucking high school kids for you.

havent posted in a while
oh well.
I just lost one of my best friends and it is pretty cool to know that since about june when i considered her my best friend she didnt even consider me more than an acuaintence. That makes me feel just dandy, but its whatever. Apparently all i do is bother her so why would i continue to? At least she finally said something about it. But yeah, im done talking to her, might as well keep her happy by staying away. Chemistry is oging to be weird though

ha, not.
Lets see, Graham is a bitch. Winrow is a mega bitch with a lithp. Hodges is decent, Gair is strick as fuck this year, and Jannet is cool.
Man, school sucks hardcore this year, I dont know why, but it does.
People are fucking stupid. Stop acting so damn immature over everything, Jesus fucking Christ.
I want new friends, well some
I like a lot of my friends
But its cool how my bestfriend wont talk to me because of his girl
and other one because of the band shit

I have been playing guitar a lot lately
Right now its pretty much the only thing that is making me happy
And i am fucking shredding like crazy,
not literally...i wish
but i am getting a lot better :D

I wanna get high again, its been a long ass time.
And HD is starting to disappoint me, we are stuck with 2 members, not exactly a good band.
I think i am going to look for a band to join,
atleast to audition to see if i get in.
Who knows what will happen

 

I wish I could just eliminate all emotions. Except happiness, that's a good one to keep.
I love how no matter how nice i try to be, people can still call me an asshole, dick, etc.
I tried that this summer, that failed miserably, I'm going to go back to being an ass, life was a lot easier
Or maybe like my whole 5th period wants I will just stop breathing. Or atleast be silent
If i dont talk no one can get mad at me right?!
I think im just going to do that, but im sure someone will think im an ass for not talking and get upset with me
i just cant fucking win
whatever
FUCK YOU WORLD

(surprise surprise
this is me happy)

This has been...
quite the weekend

is it possible
that you settled for me
you are so amazing.
Everything anyone could ask for and you seem to give me more
You actually care about me
and show it
I dont wanna lose you



man i hope i dont screw this one up
<3 you angie

I keep coming up with sicker and sicker riffs for HD. Im so relieved haha,
maybe i need this feeling to write the stuff that people will love.
Im really putting some emotion into this!

i hope peperroni  has cigs today

tonight was weird
the day was boring

she said all of this stuff to me but her actions really arent following up
i wonder if she said it all out of pity
because she didnt want her best friend hurt

i would rather just know the damn truth than to be constantly worried over this
in the end its him or me
and you need to choose
i know its hard
but choose


please

What a fucking wonderful feeling.

i think im losing everything
i just have that feeling that real soon everything is going to fall apart
it seems like im just not good enough anymore
half of my feelings i have probably just made up in my head
but it doesnt matter
it takes one bad thing in life for me to do this to myself
and its bull shit

im done taking peoples shit
if they are going to get in my face or do something to intentionally piss me off
im going to get right back in their face.
im sick of people thinking that im just some nice guy who they can say whatever to
if something pisses me off im going to let them know
and if they dont like it, i feel bad for them.

fuck everyone

im done

make me laugh, when the stupidest people try to sound intelligent. I swear it's like they write what they have to say, then go to a thesaurus and  figure out bigger words for the ones previously written.  Just stick to the stupid person everyone knows, either that or if you really are smart, don't be so fucking fake. If you have intelligence, then fucking show it. No matter how smart you are, acting stupid makes you worse than the honestly stupid people.  

It's fucking pathetic.

this fucking feeling wont go away
i dont know why
its like no one is my real friend even though i know they are.
whatever, i have my guitar and my cigarettes
its all i need
but is still sad
that it feels like its all i have.

I feel like total shit
and I have for a good month now.
This weird feeling that no one wants me around is creepin up on me again.
No one trys to talk to me, and it seems like everyone ignores my calls.
Even if someone has nothing to do they dont have time to chill with me.
Really makes me feel loved,
Im cherishing my actual friends
But I think I am about to lose a ton of them.

I am in a horrible mood

I fucked up.
Big Time.
I'm so sorry.
Forgive me?

 my fucking band! Heavens Downfall is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Im so happy its there. Me being able to write and play the music I love the most whenever I want with the best fuckin guys ever is the most amazing feeling in the entire world. We have 5 full songs and a half of one done. I just need lyrics and maybe 2 more parts. This is lookin up! we have a rhythm guitarist now, Pinkey, he is cool and a great guitarist. He also knows a drummer so my fingers are crossed.

Now with all of this good stuff going on, why do I feel so lonely? I have the best friends, something in my life that makes me happy, and a good home to live in. But I still feel like there is something missing, I dont know what the fuck it is but it sucks. Whatever though, I will get over it.

I haven't been eating much lately either. I try for that 3 meals a day, but on average I get 1 MAYBE 2. I dont know why,  I guess eating just lost its appeal to me? I havent had anything to eat since 9 last night.

I have also cleaned out my garage and we are going to start having band practice there. Its going to be awesome! My mom wont be home, we have the whole garage to metal-out andblare music because none of my neighbors will be home. The only thing I need right now is tape for posters and a couch/futon/bed so we can all chill in there. Other than that it is perfect!

The rest of the summer is going to be amazing. 

this summer has been amazing so far
went to the beach which was tons of fun!
band practice. and sleep are my life right now
i havent stayed sober for a full day the past 3 days
its so much funnnn
man this summer is amazing so far
i hope something else awesome happens!
im single now, as of Tuesday
its pretty fun
i like being free
its so much fun
me and my mom got in a big fight over dumb shit as usual and she flipped
i dont wanna be home
but i got the munchies so it words ^_^

Ill tell ya, I fuck up a lot in life. I never realized it until these past couple of weeks. Lets start off with my school situation, I dont even know where I am going to school next year! I could stay at Cypress, or I could be shipped off to Estero or South like I was never even there. Oh that is so much fun right? HA no. I fucked up one quarter and there i go, probably out of the school. So I leave all of my friends, Robyn (='[) and whatever cool people I should be meeting next year. Fucking gay.

Also, I can't talk to people anymore. I hurt her, AGAIN. I swear, i'm getting pretty good at this stuff. Fucking shoot me. I love you Robyn, I'm sorry I cant keep you happy for more than a month at a time. I guess I just fail at that too. Doesn't surprise me much though, I'm not good at most things. I love you, and I'm so sorry =[

Cool, Heaven's Downfall. Ever heard of em? Yeah it is With Expects new name in case you didn't know! But surprise surprise, we are still drummerless. I really dont think we are ever going to find a drummer who actually wants to be in the band, whatever though, I am still having fun. We have 5 songs now! Technically 6 but I don' think  im going to be playing Alone live unless I am at an open mic thing haha. So out of my entire life right now, my music is the only thing going well, I guess I try more with that than with anything else? I dont know. Whatever happens happens I guess.

Summer is just around the corner, I need some cash man